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The difference between gaslighting and lying is that gaslighting is “a form of persistent manipulation and brainwashing that causes the victim to doubt her or himself, and ultimately lose one’s own sense of perception, identity, and self-worth” (Ni, 2017). The gaslighter is lying with the intent to use that lie to manipulate the gaslightee. They use a person’s vulnerability against them in order to make them lose their sense of self. For instance, a gaslighter could manipulate their partner by deflecting responsibility and placing the blame on them by saying something like “‘I’m sorry you think that I hurt you’” (Laderer, 2017). Lying, however, is used more to hide the truth from someone. There are different situations in which a lie could be said to someone in order to shield them from the harsh reality of said situation. For example, when a loved one lies about liking the taste of a home cooked meal to avoid making the person who made the food feel bad. Unfortunately, when a person is constantly being lied to about something, they start to believe the lie they are being told. There have been people that I have dated that would lie to me about things I was most insecure about to manipulate me. For example, one of my ex-boyfriends kept telling me I was “crazy” and too insecure for assuming that he was talking to other girls even when I had proof that he was. After having multiple instances of him calling me “crazy” and insecure, I started to believe I was and stopped bringing up my concerns in regard to our relationship. Later on, I found out that everything I brought up while he was demeaning my character ended up being true. I was relieved to have that relationship come to an end because when the truth came out, I realized that I was not “crazy” or whatsoever. I was just being gaslighted into associating myself with all of these nasty things he would say to or about me. Another part of the lying and exaggerating that Ni (2017) mentions is when the gaslighter gives the gaslightee false hope. This involves tactics like “reducing” the harsher punishment or promising that things will get better so that the gaslightee feels more at ease and is able to trust the gaslighter. For example, when my ex-boyfriend used to gaslight me he would always give me false hope in saying he would change his behavior just for him to forget and tell me that I never talked about the certain issue with him. He gave me false hope that things would get better between us so that I would calm down and slowly forget about the issue. I want to preface that I only recently learned what gaslighting was, and writing about this really takes me back to when I was going through things with him. I did not know I was being gaslighted. I did not know that I was not any of the negative things he had said about me. I only saw those things about my relationship after being out of one for a little over nine months now. If you are reading this and resonate with what is being said you might be getting gaslighted without even knowing it. That is the main difference between gaslighting and lying. With gaslighting, the gaslightee has power that they cannot see because they are being heavily manipulated by the gaslighter. That is what the gaslighter strives for though; to manipulate and gain power over their partner. People lie in order to hide the harsh truth from their loved ones. No one gains anything when being lied to or while being involved with gaslighting; everyone loses. What do you think? In case you are in need of some help regarding gaslighting:
References: Laderer, A., & Rosen, S. (2021, September 13). How to spot gaslighting: 6 things that gaslighters say to manipulate you. Insider. Retrieved September 18, 2021, from https://www.insider.com/gaslighting-examples. Ni, P. (2017, July 9). Gaslighting: How it manipulates relationships. Psychology Today. Retrieved September 18, 2021, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201707/gaslighting-how-it-manipulates-relationships. Ni, P. (2019, August 4). 8 ways gaslighters manipulate and control relationships. Psychology Today. Retrieved September 16, 2021, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201908/8-ways-gaslighters-manipulate-and-control-relationships. What is gaslighting? The Hotline. (n.d.). Retrieved September 21, 2021, from https://www.thehotline.org/resources/what-is-gaslighting/.
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