What is there to live for?

​When I was a kid, I learned to rely only on myself. I did that for 8 years, and I’d say I still do (but in a healthy manner). I encountered many problems, and most of them I never mentioned to anyone. I kept everything bottled up inside. The only person that I trusted was myself. I cried silently every night, locked myself in the bathroom and screamed to myself. Then the next day, I showed a happy face to everyone. During this time in my life, I was called “ugly”, “horse”, “bossy”, “stupid”, and “idiot” by people in my life who I did not expect to call me that. I was hurt, but no one knew. Nevertheless, I did my best to excel in academics. But that was not the big picture. It did not stop there. I have faced more struggles. I was rejected from all the UCs and CSUs I applied to. It felt like the people who called me "idiot" and "stupid" were right.  On top of that, I struggled with family problems. I was really frustrated and I remembered everything I had gone through as a child, and since I was keeping everything to myself, I tried to end my life. I thought, “What is there to live for?” For some people, it was a stupid choice, but unless you have been in my shoes, it is difficult to understand the decision I made. Most of my friends were surprised when they found out what happened. They always saw me as a hyper and cheerful person. Someone who would never get mad. A person who did not have a lot of problems. They did not know that I was like an iceberg which made the Titanic sink. They did not realize that behind those pretty smiles I showed, was a huge pile of hidden tears and emotions from long ago. I was a person who was hurting and feeling alone. I do not regret what I did because if it wasn’t for that, I wouldn’t have met certain people who have helped me realize that I am not alone and that because of my experiences, I can help another human being. Suddenly, I found purpose. As I reflect on everything, I am thankful to those people who criticized me, because all the blessings I have would have not happened had I stopped working the moment I let their words get to me.