Boundary Setting

Boundaries are the limits and rules that people set for themselves in relationships and in life. Someone with healthy boundaries can say “no” when they want to, but they are also comfortable opening themselves up to intimacy and close relationships. Being able to set boundaries is essential to healthy relationships and a healthy life. If we don’t set boundaries, we can become frustrated and lash out to our loved ones. 

By setting boundaries, you’re able to communicate your values with others. They characterize what kind of person you are and how you respond to others. Setting boundaries is an important part of establishing one’s identity, and is a crucial aspect of mental health and well-being. Boundaries can be physical or emotional, and they can range from being loose to rigid. They shouldn’t be so fluid, and you shouldn’t be altering them to fit each relationship. They should act as a guideline to how you approach each relationship. So, how can we start creating and preserving healthy boundaries? Here’s a few tips:

• Decide what your core values are. These will help guide your boundaries. 
• Say ‘no’ simply but firmly to something you do not want to do. Don’t feel that you need to explain.
• Keep the focus on yourself. Instead of saying, “You have to stop bothering me after work”, one can say, “I need some time to myself when I get back from work.”
• It’s impossible to set boundaries without setting consequences. This means that when setting boundaries, it’s important to explicitly state why they’re important. For example, a person in an unhealthy relationship might declare that his partner needs to start respecting his career goals if his partner wants to continue being in a relationship with him.
• In the case of people in relationships who also have children, boundaries can be particularly important. For example, a new mother who can set boundaries with her partner in order to respect her needs will likely be better off than one who cannot.
• You can’t change others, so change yourself. We are not responsible for what comes out of their mouths, the choices they make, or their reactions. Since you can't change other people, change how you deal with them.
• Let your behavior, not your words, speak for you. Present your boundaries clearly to people and then let your behavior do the talking. People will test, push, and disrespect your limits. You'll know you're getting healthier when this doesn't get an emotional reaction out of you. When your boundaries are your core beliefs, you will not get riled up if you are tested.

​
Learning to show compassion and kindness to yourself is crucial in setting healthy boundaries. Healthy boundaries can help people define their individuality, and can help people indicate what they will and will not hold themselves responsible for. While boundaries are often psychological or emotional, boundaries can also be physical. Don’t be afraid to explore different boundaries and see what works for you. 
​
Reference
Selva, J. (2020). How to set healthy boundaries. Positive Psychology. Retrieved from https://positivepsychology.com/great-self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/