Toxic Positivity v. Real Support

Toxic positivity means maintaining a positive attitude or mindset during challenging circumstances, even when it is the time to have negative feelings (Cherry, 2026).

This belief has become a global norm with sayings such as “Look on the bright side” and “It happened for a reason.” These statements can be dismissive towards dire situations and can cause mental health to decline. Real support, on the other hand, means being empathic, listening, and being there when someone has a tough time. 

The Truth About Toxic Positivity 
People often lean on family and friends when they are going through a rough patch in life such as relationship struggles, financial instability, or the loss of a loved one. The reaction and responses they receive from the people close to them can structure how they cope with the situation. People mean well when they use normal positive statements but trying to be positive in a dire event can do three main things:

Ignoring their emotions: Grief and disappointment is always complex and personal. Focusing on positives can make them feel their pain is not important or valid. 

Salt in the wound: People that are grieving someone or recovering after a tragic event are often in survival mode. Dismissing their reality can make the pain worse. 

Isolating them: People in survival mode often need someone to hear and see them. Toxic positivity can often make them feel even more alone (Moffa, 2026). 


Understanding what toxic positivity is and how it harms can help build stronger relationships and support those around you in a healthier way. 


“Look on the bright side”
Toxic positivity is a less known form of emotional suppression. It tells and shows people that they need to mask their true feelings and thoughts. According to Bernard Golden (2026)  “This avoidance of our inner emotional landscape contributes to emotional difficulties, including anxiety, depression, stress, and even numbness. It can also contribute to physical symptoms, including headaches, digestive problems and exacerbation of illnesses such as asthma.” 

Toxic positivity also subtly blames the person. Another saying that family and friends use that is supposed to mean well is “Choose happiness.” This implies that what they are feeling is their fault and that they can completely change it by simply “choosing” to be happy. This causes the emotional suffering to increase. 


Real Support
Genuine support and real positivity means not trying to make bad situations seem better with catchphrases. The use of emotional validation, the act of seeing another person’s internal feelings as valid, is very important. 

Allowing people space for emotions such as anger, sadness, and confusion signals to them that they are allowed to feel what they need to feel without being judged for it. Real support means sitting and listening to someone during their uncomfortable and rough times. 


The Difference

Toxic Positivity	Real Support
“Everything happens for a reason.”	“I am sorry you are going through this. It’s unfair to you.”
“Just think positive thoughts.”	“It is normal to feel sad or overwhelmed right now.”
“Failure is not an option.”	“Mistakes happen. Is there anything I can do to help?”
“Time heals all wounds.”	“Take all the time you need. I’m here for you.”
“Look on the bright side.”	“I can see why you are upset.”

Changing Your Response
It is okay to realize that you have been using toxic positivity while trying to be there for family and friends. If you need help on what to say to someone while they are grieving or struggling with any situation, try following the steps:

1. Listen. Make sure to listen to everything before you say something. Sometimes the best thing to do is not say anything.
   
2. Acknowledgement. Use the “Real Support” phrases above to let them know that you were listening and providing space for them. 
   
3. Offer Help. If you are in a capacity to help, ask them what they need and/or how you can provide support while they are going through this hard time. Cook dinner for them or ask them if they want to hang out. 
   
4. Normalize Their Feelings. Let them know their reaction is completely human and valid. It is normal and healthy. 
   

Turning toxic positivity into real support means that we create spaces where people can share their true feelings without being judged.

Resources
Cherry, K. (2026, March 31). Why toxic positivity can be harmful. Verywell Mind. 
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-toxic-positivity-5093958

Golden, B. (2026, March 24). The harmful consequences of emotional avoidance. Psychology Today.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/overcoming-destructive-anger/202603/the-harmful-consequences-of-emotional-avoidance

Moffa, G. (2024, January 16). Why bright-siding can do more harm than good. Gina Moffa. https://ginamoffa.com/blog/why-bright-siding-can-do-more-harm-than-good