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We often quite unknowingly dismiss anxiety as some sort of worrisome problem that people have. Unfortunately, I have been one of these people that presumed that anxiety was just another way of informing others about stress. I have used the word jokingly and never understood the precise definition of what it means to be a person with anxiety. However my perspective about anxiety changed when I met the woman of my dreams. As a woman living with anxiety, she explained to me what it really was. Even though her explanation was thorough I was still not able to grasp what it meant due to my preconceived notions. This was a struggle on my part because I was stubborn to learn about it. At first when any problems occurred I would get defensive and often think only of my own personal outlook on the matter. However she was patient and guided me along the way.
I learned to not get defensive or take her anxiety personally, because at the end of the day we are a team. I was able to put myself in her shoes and try to figure out ways to show her I was there for her. I let her know that I was a safe space to vent, and that I wouldn’t take it personally if she pulled away. I wanted her to be able to lean on me if she needed to and I wanted to understand what it really meant to have anxiety. I was able to have conversations with her regarding my thoughts about anxiety and how it differed from the ideas that I learned about after our talks. These open conversations, at the end of the day, were the key to familiarizing myself with anxiety. Conversations and communication are key ways to help strengthen and build on the foundations of all relationships. I found it really useful to check in and ask how I could best support her, rather than try to decide for her what would help. Through these conversations and my drive to see past the stigma, I understood that what I had heard about anxiety through media outlets were often inaccurate to a high degree, and that every individual seeks support in different ways. I want to thank her for educating me along the way and helping me be a part of her support system. ~ Jatin Kumar
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I used to think that I do not have the “capacity” to be mentally ill or have any sort of mental health issues. I thought having mental health problems only comes in form of being in a psych ward and having to take medications such as anti-depressants. College made me realize this is not at all what mental health is all about. It is a part of it, yes. But it is definitely not all of it. My first year of college was supposed to be fun, but it wasn’t. I had to deal with so many personal issues, as if being away from home didn’t help with it. On top of that, the anxiety of having to deal with midterms and finals always got to me.
In my case, I wasn’t in a psych ward but I definitely felt like I was in prison with a bunch of “productivity” and “expectations” going on in that prison. It wasn’t the thought of having to deal with midterms and finals because I think that’s normal to any college students, but it is the thought of juggling all the drama I had in my life with it. It was so overwhelming, so draining, that I saw myself walking inside my therapist’s room, rubbing my hands in circles repetitively. When he was assessing me, I thought these questions were easy. That I shouldn’t even be here because “im not crazy”. He asked me “do you ever think of killing yourself” and with no hesitation I said "no". He asked me again “why?”. With no hesitation, I bursted into tears not knowing really why. And I just said “because of my mom and dad”. I. Was. Depressed. To a point that I was in this world because of other people, not because of myself anymore. No matter how hard you try to be okay sometimes, you can’t help but feel down when your mental health is the last thing you think about. I thought I could never be in a situation where I would be sitting in therapy, talking to some guy who is actually getting paid to listen to me. 21 years later, here I am practicing what is good for my own mental health and not afraid to seek for help. Not everyone who seeks for therapy is “crazy” and we shouldn’t normalize calling people that. I am very much relieved that I accepted the fact that I needed help at that time and that I had to put myself first. I suggest everyone else should do the same. ~ A. S. |
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